Pacific Crest Trail: Week Twelve is when I Broke My Phone

The Pacific Crest Trail is a thru hiking adventure, that stretches 2,600 miles between Mexico and Canada. While my partner has been hiking since March 18 when I dropped him off on the border of Mexico, my adventure started the first week of May, with my good girl Chloe Rue at my side. We had to skip north of the Sierra Nevada Mountains this year, and plan to end with them. Instead, we started where our pets can officially join us: Old Station, California. Follow along for stories, dog tails and things I am learning on the way- about my dog, my partner and life in general.

When you are chasing adventure, time has a habit of changing speeds. You might be whiling away miles in Oregon, or hiking at top speeds through Washington. You’ll look around you one day and realize your journey is coming to a close, too soon. You’ll realize- I only have one month left! Yet do we really ever know what the mountains have in their plans? My month remaining, really was just two weeks. If I would have known that an injury was looming, I wonder if my perspective would have changed. I wonder if I would have stopped more, savored the views, or spent more time at the lakes. I wonder if I would have prepared Chloe for the end of the trail more. Maybe I would have talked to her about how life is just full of changes; and how impermanence is the one known to our life. Maybe I would have spent more time processing grief and career fatigue I was feeling from losses that happened since 2020. Yet, as you can quote me from my Youtube channel just a week before I had to come off of the trail; the mountains are the only ones who know what is around their corners. The mountains are full of surprises and the best thing about backpacking, is meeting adventure head first.

Photo Credit goes to Seth Mayhew

Mount Adams and the Perfect Picture

As the title indicates, Seth took most of these photos in this post. For once- they’re many photos of me and Chloe! It’s a nice change of pace perhaps. However I do have to credit his talents here too, and say a big thank you to my life partner, Seth and his camera.

We left Trout Lake, Washington and dove headfirst into a beautiful, fast growing burn area with views of Mt Adams that were simply staggering. I was absorbing these views, these abundant wildflowers, these staggering sights at every opportunity. I learned from a fellow hiker, that Mount Adam’s summit is obtainable without using any technical climbing and I had to add it to the list of mountains I want to summit. Though, not on this day, because we felt the dryness of Washington in our very souls. I worried about fires, and was constantly checking the fire map to see if the situation had erupted yet. Cool nights were in our favor, and no fires were in our path this week.

Mount Adams had some lava rock around its base, and the glacier also glistened in our view. Our good girls, Chloe and Freyja had to wear their doggy boots again, but very briefly. Their paws were still looking absolutely amazing, and I continued to donn their paw wax daily. I had learned that some folks felt daily paw wax softened their dogs paws too much and they were more prone to wounds, but the thin layer I applied every night before the trail seemed to make a huge difference. At this point, we were pushing 20 miles every day. We were so determined to make good time and beat the fires through Washington. Yet with this high mileage and no “zero” days since Hood River, we were beginning to feel the constant ache from fatigue. My feet were beginning to blister again, and my body was losing more weight. I could see my face thinning by the Youtube videos I was posting, but that was my only access to a mirror- looking at myself on my phone! I had already lost 20 pounds through the snowy portion of trail. I felt that that was about enough weight to lose, and I did not want to be unhealthy. I kept eating as much as I possibly could; though I continued to be amazed that our dogs paws were perfect using the mushers wax daily; and Chloe’s weight maintained a healthy status with no ribs in sight and an ongoing healthy appetite. They were definitely handling the faster pace better than I was.

Once we were deep into the Mount Adams wilderness, we camped near a river, with an absolutely staggering view in our sights. The sunset shone golden off the Mount Adam’s glacier and black off the lava rocks. A flowing river also glistened golden in the setting sunshine and the beautiful tall trees of Washington framed the view in a staggering manner. I stood outside the tent in my merino wool onesie, and captured a photo. I took a few raw shots to be edited later, and they were BEAUTIFUL in the manner the golden light was captured. I stared at these with such a big smile on my face, knowing it was one of the best professional photos I had ever captured. I looked up at the view, and felt such a wonderful sense of peace, in the quiet golden hour. However at this point, I had not regained any cell reception and I had no idea how awful that little fact would be the next day.

Photo Credit goes to Seth Mayhew

When Someone You Love is Not Supportive

Photo Credit goes to Seth Mayhew

Something upsetting happened in Trout Lake, and I could not stop thinking about it. I will not mention names, however know that this is someone I love deeply, and who generally believes I can do anything I set my mind to. However, I called this person who is a part of my life to wish them a happy birthday, while I still had cell reception in Trout Lake. In our conversation, I mentioned how Seth’s parents were supporting him financially by starting a fundraiser so we could continue to hike through Washington together. Then the flood unleashed. This person felt I was being horrifically financially irresponsible by backpacking the Pacific Crest Trail in taking 5 months away from work. They said they did not support me in my decision to hike. They said I should stop hiking and “get a job”. This was such an incredibly painful thing to hear, especially since they did not ask about my financial situation at all. I also know this person is someone who supports adventures, and obtaining life goals. However, their words echoed through my mind, and would not leave my brain. It was like a punch to the throat, that someone “on the other side” did not think I should be doing this hike. I was determined to finish the trail, and I had learned SO much about myself, nature, people, and even about my good dog.

After pondering this conversation for a few days, I decided that the person I was talking to, must be experiencing some stress, probably financially related. I realized it did not matter what they thought, even if I truly value their opinion. The most important thing on the trail, is to take care of my Chloe Rue, and take care of myself. It is to walk to a water source for water, produce food for nutrition, build a shelter for sleep, read the weather, signs of nature and avoid wildlife for safety. This hike may not be perceived as important to some folks on the outside. Yet with every step, I knew how important this hike was to me. I knew that we had supportive friends and family who would bend over backwards, drive HOURS to see us, and to deliver us food and even a rattlesnake vaccine for the dogs. I know that my choices are MY choices, and my life is MY life. Knowing what I must do for myself, to accomplish my life dreams is not someone else’s concern.

If you are reading this and smiling to yourself, knowing that you have people in your life who would react the EXACT same way; I just want you to know that I support you in your decision. Everyone you meet on the trail supports you as well, and all the trail angels who have been game changers along the PCT, will go out of their way to support you. Stand by your decisions, and your life goals. No matter the cost, your dreams MATTER. They truly matter and believing in yourself is half the battle for finishing the trail.

Photo Credit goes to Seth Mayhew

And Then I Broke My Phone

There was a day between Mount Adams and Cispus Pass (which climbed into the Goat Rocks), where we found ourselves back into a green tunnel. There were lakes around us, and LOADS of mosquitos. One aspect about our good girls that was changing by the day (which I have mentioned previously but haven’t talked about at length) was their behavioral changes. Physically the girls were PERFECT, great weight, perfect paws, happy attitudes and an excitement to hike every morning despite the high milage days through Washington. Yet, every day Chloe and Freyja were experiencing worsening behavior related to prey drive. Meaning, every single squirrel, chipmunk, marmot, deer, gopher, lizard- literally everything that moved across the trail- caused a massive amount of screaming and pulling in order to chase it. You’ve heard about Chloe killing a lizard, and maybe witnessed Chloe trying to chase a squirrel on the YouTube Channel back in May. However now she would NOT respond to the “ignore’ or “leave it” command. She would scream and pull until I would lose my balance as Chloe had become SO incredibly strong.

The prey drive issue was causing some mental exhaustion in these green tunnel sections, because the animals were so incredibly abundant. Therefore, when Chloe saw two squirrels bounding about their home, and I pulled back on her leash reminding her all the lessons about “co existing” and the D-ring that was holding her leash SNAPPED I panicked for a second. She paused too, realizing- oh my GAWD I am a free dog! However I was able to quickly grasp her halter before she chased the poor squirrels. When I realized that her halter had snapped, I was devastated. I had to tie her leash onto its handle. This worked fine, but it made it very difficult to leash/unleash her- though it would save many animals from her teeth that were sharp and alert as a wolf on the PCT through Washington.

After this incident, I had not looked at my phone for some time. We reached a beautiful lake before the climb to Cispus pass and I grabbed my phone to check for the next water source, when I saw that my phone was COMPLETELY shattered. I am not sure if the leash snapped back and cracked my phone, if it broke while scrambling over one of the many trees that lay across the trail in this section, if it just broke because it felt like it was frustrated from all the green trees- I have NO idea when it broke, but the unfortunate truth was that it was unusable. I could not unlock my phone at all. I could not turn off airplane mode, access my photos, or even access my camera. It was DEVASTATING because I absolutely love photography, and we were approaching one of the most beautiful sections on the trail. My heart sank into my stomach and shattered. I know it might be dramatic to be unreasonably depressed by the loss of my camera through the next section- I mean I made it off South Sister without a phone, I made it through the Three Sisters Obsidian Area without a phone- but the GOAT ROCKS- the GOAT ROCKS. I just wanted to capture the beauty that was approaching and not having a camera broke my heart.

The Goat Rocks

Prepare yourself, because this next section is frequently PCT hikers FAVORITE section along the entire trail. This area had SO much hype and we had anticipated it all throughout that southern Washington green tunnel. The Goat Rocks were looming overhead, and we plowed past Mt Adams pushing toward one of the most scenic sections of trail ahead of us.

We climbed Cispus Pass in a bright early morning, running into more South Bounders who continued to exclaim about the beauty that lay ahead. With every meeting my heart hurt a little, knowing I couldn’t capture the beauty on my camera. Yet it may have been just another example of the trail reminding me to look with my eyes instead of my lens.

The pass opened up into a view with jagged, knife-sharp mountains surrounding us, and a distant waterfall flying down the rocks across the way. The snow was completely gone, which was shocking to realize how little snow Washington had this year.

Photo Credit goes to Seth Mayhew

We continued to climb upwards, toward Old Snowy Peak, planning to summit a mountain in each state: California was Grizzly Peak (that CRAZY first week), Oregon was Observation Peak (which was by accident because there was less snow) and here in Washington Old Snowy begged to be climbed, with no snow, plenty of goats, and the bypass was known to have a difficult snow traverse that lasted pretty much year round.

The view beyond Cispus Pass was the BEST I had seen on trail yet. The trees had thinned into clumps, one of which is where we stopped for a lunch. Waterfalls raged down the mountains into perfect water sources near us, and the dogs continued to protect us from the marmots who were trying so hard to eat our food. We had a hearty meal, taking the time to warm up dehydrated beans and rice for burritos. The climb was already slowing our pace, and we had lofty goals. However we knew by now how linked our energy was to food. Those times when we relied on tuna packets, cold soaked rawmen, or meal supplementing bars for lunch (which was most of the time) lead us to have very low energy, and lead to my siestas being hard to wake from at mid day. Having a hearty meal kept our bodies strong, and I was very grateful for burritos to help us through this mountain ascent. Plus, it’s just a good day when you get to eat warm burritos with a view. My family of four (2 dogs and Seth), just enjoying the summer sunshine with a delicious trail meal. It’s one of my favorite things.

Photo Credit goes to Seth Mayhew

By the time we reached Old Snowy Peak, it was already late afternoon. We savored the views, but we were getting TIRED. Climbing up is hard, but recently with Chloe and Freyja’s prey drive issues, climbing down was challenging too. We continued on to the ever renowned “Knife’s Edge” where the ridgeline was the trail and cliffs plummeted down on either side of the trail. I had NO idea this was part of the Goat Rocks. I don’t know why I thought we could just camp on the other side of the summit (maybe that’s what I told myself to push through the asent) but the notorious Knife’s Edge was waiting, our dogs were seeing marmots and goats and pulling, and my heart stopped when Seth fell ahead of me, due to Freyja seeing something she wanted to chase. He got right back up. They were fine. But, YIKES.

I’ll be honest. Knifes edge is a BAD idea when your dogs are being crazy. I was so focused on Chloe heeling next to me (which she was doing great with until she heard any marmot- then all bets were off) that it was hard to enjoy the views. I was so tired that I didn’t really want to experience the vastness that surrounded me. It almost felt like information overload, and I had some anxiety going on. I stared at my feet, focused on every step, trying not to slip. The ridgeline kept going, and going, much further than I had expected and I was not excited about it anymore. This was very unlike me, because I love heights normally. I look for scrambling opportunities in my regular life, and typically give my family and friends anxiety with how close I stand to cliff edges just for fun.

Photo Credit goes to Seth Mayhew

When Seth fell two more times, that anxiety turned into a really strong feeling in my stomach that I recognized. It happens to me sometimes. On December 4th, 2018 when I had three horrible things happen- including a car accident that resulted in a life long back injury, on September 8th 2020 when I lost my camper home to the Oregon fires, and randomly on my travels and in my home health work when I’d turn around and leave a place due to that particular feeling in my gut. It was what we colloquially call a “bad gut feeling.” It was a change from the anxiety about being at the edge of two cliffs; different from the exhaustion I was experiencing from such a long series of days hiking; and much different from the sadness I’d been feeling about not having a camera during this beautiful section of trail. It was 100 percent certainty that something awful was about to happen.

“Seth, we need to stop at the next campsite.” He heard me, but he wanted to keep going. We both wanted to get to town the next day, and we both wanted to be close enough to reach town before lunch. Trying to describe this feeling on the trail though was surprisingly hard for me. I’m a writer, not a talker; and while Seth knew I was having anxiety due to our dog’s behavior trying to explain the change was difficult. He did agree though- maybe he did hear it in my voice- and we walked into a lovely valley with an established campsite within the next mile.

That night’s sunset and the next morning’s sunrise were the best I had experienced on trail. We had a view of Mt Rainier from our campsite, and a gorgeous water source next to us that plummeted down the nearby cliff’s edge. It was windy, but one of those clumps of trees protected this camp site. We were beginning to see what we call “muggles” (meaning weekend-ers and day hikers) nearby, which meant we were close enough to town to make it back in a day. That was good enough for us, and that feeling dissipated into fatigue. It was worth it, for the view. The dogs were also tired, and we all slept well that night.

-I stole Seth’s phone for this sunrise moment-

In the end, we had stopped in time. Nothing bad happened that night, in the Goat Rocks. We pranced our way into town the next day, listening to our favorite trail podcast “National Park after Dark”. I immediately ordered an entire pizza and we shared it, sitting amongst many other hikers at White Pass. We were safe in town. Looking back though, I wonder if this is where I began to be sick. I wonder if that feeling was my body telling me to stop, to rest; take a zero in town and eat more pizza. I didn’t want to though. White Pass greeted us with a HUGE sign saying “Extreme Fire Danger” and “No Campfires” in all capital letters. The pressure to beat the fires persisted, and once again, we walked out onto the trail to meet Week Thirteen, not knowing my body was likely already starting its fight against itself, that would be a trail ending illness for me. That story will be going live next week! As Chloe likes to say: Happy tails and happy trails.

Photo Credit goes to Seth Mayhew @rovingbootsandpaws93

Barking Embarkers